The Greatest Gift

Dec, 17th, 2002

Another morning dawns. The pale winter sun peeks down and smiles at its reflection in the puddles of a cleansing rain. The new day adds its celestial rays to the twinkling chorus of Christmas lights and we know it’s that time of year yet once again. The children sing silly songs and their parents brave the mall. We celebrate our relationships with presents and packages all wrapped up in ribbons and bows.

Perhaps the greatest gift we can give each other takes a more profound shape than a simple box, no matter how prettily packaged or skillfully wrapped. As we reflect more deeply on what all our presents and gifts mean, as we move into the heart-space from whence our gratitude springs, we can begin to bring out and deliver the true gifts of the season. We don’t even need to engage the services of UPS or the postal service for these presents to find their way under the tree.

The gift that strengthens and celebrates our loves and relationships isn’t a new sweater or even a new car, but rather the simple authenticity of our true selves.

The gift that "keeps on giving" is a return to the center of things, the basics upon which love and friendship are built. This gift is re-wrapping and re-giving simple considerations and commonalities that brought us together in the first place, coupled with a new determination to “do it differently”. A concrete commitment to learn new tools, to get really real with ourselves, to endlessly uplift, appreciate, and build genuine friendships with our lovers, partners, children and friends is a gift that goes outside the box. Sweaters fade or unravel; cars break down – but when we change ourselves and the way we interact with everyone we love, our whole universe changes with us.

Thank you for spending this morning moment with me. Let’s celebrate together as we exchange our most heart felt gifts this Christmas season.

Aloha, Peace,Wellness, oh and a Very, Merry Christmas,

Holman

Update (May 22nd, 2014): Just this morning, a wonderful, spring morning with

Christmas as far away as the Land of Never Never from our minds, someone I treasure was telling me about an email she'd written to a former spouse. "He would never treat another woman like that," she said to me.

     "Why do we do that?" I asked, sardonically. 

     "Do what?" She asked.

     "Treat the people closest to us worse than total strangers?" Then to reinforce the point, I added "We should yell at total strangers and abuse people we don't even know, and give nothing but love and respect to those closest to us and those with whom we interact most frequently."

     Being who she is, she responded, "Why don't we just learn to love and treat everyone equally?"

Indeed. Why don't we?

The point is, relationships are difficult and the more interaction is involved, the more difficult the relationship becomes. This is why our greatest gift to a relationship is to treat it like a stranger! Surely our loved ones, our co-workers, and our friends are worth at least as much effort as we put into our positive public face, the one we show to strangers. Let's give each other the gift of renewed appreciation for what drew us together in the first place. Let's give each other the gift of forgiveness and a fresh start. It is as easy as letting go, letting go of the sour thoughts we cling to rotting in our memory of past hurts or perceptions of wrong doing. My friend Kahuna Lani used to say, "Just drop your dead duck." I mean, really, it's getting stinky and gross in our grasp. Why don't we just drop it? These hurts and grievances are nothing more that thoughts. So, if we let them go, it becomes easy again to see the beauty in a relationship, if any beauty is left. A duck in flight is astonishing and beautiful; a dead duck -- not so much. Let's all drop our dead ducks.

Let's celebrate, exaggerate, renew, remember, and recreate all the beauty that is possible in every relationship we have! Now that's a great gift indeed.